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Fuck. [03 May 2010|10:42pm]
Haven't written in this in ages. Never planned to but shit has gotten kind of crazy so it's time to get some things off my chest.

I guess last I checked in (here or deadjournal I cant remember), I'd gotten back with Kayla. Making a very long story short, it didn't work out, and I ended up moving to BC, where I found a job I (mostly) love.

As usual it's been a disaster. Don't mean to sound like a whiney "why does everything bad happen to me" kind of person, but...why does everything bad happen to me? I try to avoid it as much as possible and it finds me every time.

I've had nothing but bad living situations in every place I've lived here. I don't feel like going into all that shit, but this time my roommate and I thought sort of friend has threatened to call the fucking cops on me. Why? Our rooms are next to each other in this place, and pretty thin, so I have to be very accommodating so as not to piss him off. I word it such because I find him to be a rather demanding (and now psychotic) douchebag, whereas personally I accept people like to enjoy the things they enjoy and make a reasonable amount of noise. By reasonable I mean watch TV at maybe 1/2 regular volume, for example. That's what I do, anyway.

His feeling is I should use headphones for everything all the time simply because that's what he does. Ever think that um, not everybody's like you you fucking psycho?

But whatever. I submitted simply because I got exhausted by his bullshit nagging. And it was fine.

Until his godamn snoring got to me. He snores LOUD. EVERY NIGHT. And naturally it drives me crazy. To the point where I bang on the walls -- and typically he still doesn't wake up. I did this the other night because I was trying to watch TV with headphones on and couldn't hear properly because of his snoring, and he didn't wake up. So I switched to speakers, kept it at a reasonable volume. I hear him tapping on the wall like he usually does when he wants me to be quiet -- it's polite so I oblige and switch back to headphones. I resume watching my show, laughing pretty quietly occasionally. After a short while he bangs really hard on the wall, yelling at me, saying I'm being disruptive. I have no idea what he's talking about -- he says the TV, me laughing, etc. I tell him I only put on the TV because his snoring was so loud. He lets out a really angry sigh and that's that.

We were supposed to go look at a place with our other roommate yesterday -- house is being rebuilt, we have to move out to the landlady's other place or find one of our own (this is part of the shittiness...I can't stop moving even when I want to) -- and he didn't show up, saying he had work shit to do. He goes to work every day for the exact same amount of time every day since I've been here so between that and the previous night I was calling bullshit.

Turns out I was spot on as he comes to me tonight with a number for a room in another apartment he found, so I could go live with other people and not bother him (he words it somewhat nicely but I can feel some animosity and can't wait to get the fuck out of the situation). Then I tell my landlady fuck it, I just want to not be hassled, let me move into this other place of yours. So we talk and should have it worked out soon. It's a better and worse situation in ways -- overall about the same I guess.

Whatever. I think I'm going to move home or nearby after the summer anyway, cause I'm fed up with shit here. Can't say I didn't try as I've been here over two years. Tried to like it. Did like it at first. Just a series of bad luck I guess. Or I'm just not meant to be here.

Anyway. She informs me when roommate talked to her, he threatened to call the police on me. Keep in mind aside from minor bullshit relating to crappy living situation (of which I said "sorry if I ever get kinda pissed, it's not at you, just a crappy situation" and he said "oh I know, don't worry"), we got along well and had many talks about shit friends talk about (film, martial arts, women, whatever).

What the fuck is the matter with this guy?

I consider myself a very reasonable human being, but how reasonable can I be before I'm just a passive little bitch that gets no enjoyment out of life and does what everyone says to the letter? Cause that's what everyone's wanted of me these past two years.

So fuck it. Quite possibly I'll go live near my sister -- it's about the only peace I've found these past five years about. She's been great and has said she'll let me stay at her place and help me find a place of my own. And it's pretty cheap, especially compared to godamn Vancouver.

I've seen a lot of shows here and will see "the" show in July. The only other really I will just have to make a trip for, assuming it happens.

Kayla may move here in September and that's my only bit of hestation. Oh well. Can't see her being ready for me anyway, if that ever happened again.

I don't really believe peace should be a lifelong struggle, not like this. Where's my home?
2 surrenderings|sweet revelation

love rant [24 Jun 2008|04:51pm]
im planning on starting a site of my own in september about which will be a very minimalistic but sexy thing which will serve as a forum for my opinions and whatnot..basically everything i cant say everywhere else i write. its necessary to me anyway. umm. i'll also have music i record there and maybe some other shit. anyway for now here's a vague idea of the kind of shit i'll be posting (it wont be in conversation form, at least not usually):

sweet revelation

[08 Mar 2007|04:55pm]
Ah so I lied, I do have internet.
Well, there wasnt supposed to be.
Whatever. La la la.
It is good to be home.

Love and butterflies are good things [06 Mar 2007|11:04am]
To anyone who still happens to read this..just wanted to let you all know I'm moving today to be "reunited with my sweetheart", as Chris says. :)
Wont have internet for some time, not sure how long. Hopefully not very.

Anyway, just some links to whore myself out some more before I go..

http://pendevil.com is my blog..fun stuff there.

http://sevendailysins.com is the mag im working for thats launching Monday last I heard. The site looks like shit right now, and all the material on it will be scrapped (thankfully). Hopefully a friend or two will be joining me there..

Oh and I uploaded a few new songs or whatever on http://pendevil.dmusic.com. I think the new one is kinda pretty. All the songs are shitty or whatever I know, but I dont care. You understand it or you dont.

Finally, theres a bunch of pictures at http://mezzazine.spaces.live.com if you havent seen them yet...they should work for anyone, but maybe only for people on my msn list.

Anyway so yes, love you all, talk to you in awhile. Until then..much love for me and you and...lots and lots of video games.

sweet revelation

I am a whore, I love being a whore, whore whore whore whore whore [08 Feb 2007|02:17pm]
[ mood | whore ]

This is just a note to whore myself out:

whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore



sweet revelation

[22 Jan 2007|03:13pm]
I was reading a recent interview with Manson (link), and I just found this particular quote so godamn hilarious.

"Celebritarian art, behavior, anything, whatever it becomes – It’s more whatever you want to make it. It’s like a strange piece of clothing. Some people might wear it on their heads; some might wear it as underwear; some people might not wear it at all. I think everyone has it in their closet; they just need to find it. I don’t really think that was necessarily the best metaphor to describe it, but I’m standing in my closet and that was the best thing that came to me."
sweet revelation

[17 Jan 2007|10:07pm]
if we are less than stars, am i allowed to wonder the possibilities merely on the principle of thoughtfreedom? there is something more than that..all the pieces fit, i just dont know where they are..

(hope to the god of love we make it)
sweet revelation

art/porn article again (with updates) [09 Jan 2007|06:27pm]
[ mood | whorish ]


sweet revelation

[07 Jan 2007|03:40pm]
"Point is, what's so wonderful is that every one of these flowers has a specific relationship with the insect that pollinates it. There's a certain orchid that looks exactly like a certain insect so the insect is drawn to this flower, its double, its soul mate, and wants nothing more than to make love to it. And after the insect flies off, spots another soul-mate flower and makes love to it, thus pollinating it. And neither the flower nor the insect will ever understand the significance of their lovemaking. I mean, how could they know that because of their little dance the world lives? But it does. By simply doing what they're designed to do, something large and magnificent happens. In this sense they show us how to live - how the only barometer you have is your heart. How, when you spot your flower, you can't let anything get in your way."

sweet revelation

[02 Jan 2007|01:11am]
This (link) is now one of my favorite songs of all time. Fuck. I just find it so insane and beautiful.

"Song to the Siren" by This Mortal Coil

On the floating, shapeless oceans
I did all my best to smile
til your singing eyes and fingers
drew me loving into your eyes.

And you sang "Sail to me, sail to me;
Let me enfold you."

Here I am, here I am waiting to hold you.
Did I dream you dreamed about me?
Were you here when I was full sail?

Now my foolish boat is leaning, broken love lost on your rocks.
For you sang, "Touch me not, touch me not, come back tomorrow."
Oh my heart, oh my heart shies from the sorrow.
I'm as puzzled as a newborn child.
I'm as riddled as the tide.
Should I stand amid the breakers?
Or shall I lie with death my bride?

Hear me sing: "Swim to me, swim to me, let me enfold you."
"Here I am. Here I am, waiting to hold you."
sweet revelation

[27 Dec 2006|10:58pm]
Post from toolband.com:

"We've been getting some questions and comments about the edited version of "The Pot" as it can be heard on the radio these days. As I'm sure most of you know, editing their finished product is not the band's idea. This, of course, is the handiwork of the radio stations who years ago figured out that a shorter version of the song means more time for advertisements. Once upon a time radio friendly songs were written a certain length due to do certain time limitations with vinyl, but, of course, today, this is not a problem. Today, the 'knife' comes out so that more ads can be squeezed in, generating more income for the station's owners."

the internet breeds honesty and freedom and i adore it.
sweet revelation

[01 Dec 2006|03:51pm]
I love this.

sweet revelation

[01 Dec 2006|01:03am]
This is radness. I especially enjoy "When the President Talks to God", "The Revolution Will Not Be Televised", and well, if you know me well at all, you know I'm going to say "Wake Up".
sweet revelation

[22 Nov 2006|10:42pm]
survey with photographsCollapse )
1 surrenderings|sweet revelation

[22 Nov 2006|12:41pm]
Truly, this is incredible.

3 surrenderings|sweet revelation

[20 Nov 2006|10:01pm]
Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride.Collapse )
sweet revelation

Lest We Forget [11 Nov 2006|07:54pm]
There's so many of us
There's so many

Let's have a war
So you can go and die
Let's have a war
We could all use the money
Let's have a war
We need the space
Let's have a war
Clean out this place

It already started in the city
Suburbia will be just as easy

Let's have a war
Jack up the Dow Jones
Let's have a war
It can start in New Jersey
Let's have a war
Blame it on the middle-class
Let's have a war
We're like rats in a cage

It already started in the city
Suburbia will be just as easy

Let's have a war
Sell the rights to the networks
Let's have a war
Let our wallets get fat like last time
Let's have a war
Give guns to the queers
Let's have a war
The enemy's within

It already started in the city
Suburbia will be just as easy

Fear - "Let's Have A War"
sweet revelation

[21 Jun 2006|12:21pm]
10 years ago, it was 1996. Take this survey, post the results, and see how many things have changed since then.

1) How old were you?
THEN: 10
NOW: 20

2) Where did you go to school?
THEN: John Stubbs Elementary School
NOW: CNA graduate

3) Where did you work?
THEN: Nowhere man, I was ten.
NOW: Unemployed! :)

4) Where did you live?
THEN: Victoria, BC
NOW: St. John's, NL

5) How was your hair style?
THEN: short and gay!
NOW: long and curly and awesome

6) Did you wear contacts?

7) Did you wear glasses?
NOW: no

8) Who were your best friends?
THEN: Jordan, Matt, Kyle, Conner, and that weird kid that lived down the street
NOW: Kayla, Dion, Danny, Steve

9) Which of your pets were still alive?
THEN: My gerbil I think. Or hampster? I had a lot of them and they all died early
NOW: My cat Penny

10) Who was your celebrity crush?
THEN: Hmm maybe Jesse from Saved by the Bell? haha
NOW: n/a

11) How many piercings did you have?
THEN: None
NOW: None

12) How many tattoos did you have?
THEN: None
NOW: None

13) What was your favorite band/singer?
THEN: I liked a bunch of crap
NOW: Probably TOOL

14) Had you smoked a cigarette?
THEN: I think I tried it and failed
NOW: Tried it once or twice more, and thought it was stupid

15) Had you gotten drunk?
NOW: Yup

16) What did you want to be when you grew up?
THEN: Ummm no idea
NOW: Journalist, ideally
sweet revelation

[14 Jun 2006|12:41pm]
This shit is retarded: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCdT9dfrb-Q&eurl=

E-mail them. Free media.

4 surrenderings|sweet revelation

[10 Jun 2006|12:23am]
I think anyone that is consuming drugs for the right reasons isn't proclaiming their involvement with them, especially when implying an association with glory.
sweet revelation

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